


Art House Misery Theatre & Chill

by starsonthebrow



Category: The Mighty Boosh RPF
Genre: Blowjobs, Distractions, M/M, it all works out in the end, julian flounders and recovers, julian is a pretentious film enthusiast, noel gets stroppy, noel is a julian enthusiast, toeing the line of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:28:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27866897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsonthebrow/pseuds/starsonthebrow
Summary: The one where Julian just wants a quiet night in, makes a mistake, and ends up defusing a bomb in his living room.
Relationships: Julian Barratt/Noel Fielding
Comments: 8
Kudos: 9
Collections: Trash Triplets Crackmas 2020: It's All About Range





	Art House Misery Theatre & Chill

**Author's Note:**

> This is Crack Lite, completely free of substance and plot with a tiny bit of smut all wrapped up together as a gift for Crackmas times. 
> 
> As always, insert the disclaimer here about it being fiction and no harm intended. I have no idea if the boys even enjoy popcorn. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading it!!

Julian works through his “films to watch” list slowly on the rare occasion he has the house to himself and the luxury of choosing his entertainment for the evening. Well, “slowly” being more like “not really ever” because when he's left at the house alone he actually prefers it to not be that way at all. 

Instead, as it’s happened this particular evening with the house to himself, shortly after settling on the couch he finds himself reaching for his phone and his fingers typing out a text almost of their own accord. The reply is returned promptly with a “x” signed at the end. A short time later there is an impossibly fluffy pink coat tossed over a chair and a pair of pointy boots splattered with paint sat neatly by the door. 

They had enthusiastically greeted each other in the hall when Noel arrived with take away. The bag slipped to the floor, nearly forgotten immediately as Noel stretched to the tips of his toes and lifted his arms to wind around Julian’s neck for a kiss. Neither bothered worrying about the food going cold during several minutes of _hello how are you?_ and _I missed you_ , and _thanks for inviting me_ , expressed only through the soft smacking of lips. Noel had giggled though when Julian’s stomach growled hungrily, reacting to the smell wafting around them. Eyes shining, he broke them apart to murmur, “Maybe some food first?” 

Now, with the curry downed thoroughly and being too full to do anything else, Julian feels confident popping on the film he’s been eagerly waiting to watch. A visual feast for the eyes, a devastatingly gorgeous disaster of words and imagery, the review says. A good evening indeed. 

His confidence wanes almost immediately as Noel sighs dramatically when the title pops up. “Ugh, subtitles AGAIN, Ju’yin?” Noel doesn’t like subtitled movies because it means he actually has to pay attention to the movie to understand it. “Could you just watch anything for FUN once?”

Noel falls back on the couch in a huff, stretching so that a small sliver of skin peeks out between his shirt and jeans. He catches Julian surveying it and extends his body just a little further, eyes instantly glittering with mischief. 

He shrinks back into a pout when Julian shakes his head. “I’ve been wanting to watch it for a while. You’ll enjoy it, I think.” 

While Julian will admit his tastes border just this side of pretentious, he can only handle so many Columbo reruns. He’s tried to get Noel to branch out a little. “You can put your beautiful mind to work a little this evening.”

Noel rolls his eyes. “I was hoping to work some other things.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Surely you didn’t think I invited you here as some sort of booty call, Sir.” Julian holds a hand over his heart as if offended. 

Noel cackles. “An ongoing twenty year booty call, Ju.” He runs a hand down his own slim torso mock seductively. “You’ve never wanted me just for my brain.” 

Julian raises an eyebrow. “A good thing, right? Twenty years and I’d still be waiting for it to appear.” He narrowly dodges the pillow Noel throws at his head. 

After he dims the lights and plops down Noel curls into his side almost instantly, tucked under his arm with his head on his chest. Julian regards Noel as sort of a small human barnacle, clinging to him at all times as if for substance and security whenever they are together. He finds any opportunity to wrap his tiny body around Julian’s much larger one like his own living breathing teddy bear. Julian is mostly grateful for it though; the warmth and heaviness of him is comforting even if he does huff at his cinema choices. He sighs, settling in as the opening credits start to roll.

Almost immediately Noel starts to fidget endlessly; tracing stitches in Julian’s jumper, dancing his fingers across Julian’s chest, playing with his own hair, scratching his nose against the wool of Julian’s arm. 

Julian glances at him, but directs his full attention back to the screen. Noel adjusts so that he’s sat up enough to tuck his face into Julian’s neck now, softly dragging his lips over Julian’s ear and down his neck. Julian clears his throat. Noel snakes a hand under Julian’s jumper to slide across his belly. Julian stops the film.

“Noel….” He gasps a little when Noel nips playfully at his jaw and drags a thumb across his nipple.

Noel leans his forehead against Julian’s cheek. His voice is warm and silky, feigning more innocence than he’s capable of as he purrs out an “Alright?” 

“You’ve only made it eight minutes in. We’ve got all night, you know.” 

Noel groans and his head falls back to tuck into Julian’s neck again. His voice is muffled into Julian’s skin when he whines, “We don’t get very many nights like this together, Ju. Just enjoying it.” 

Nudging him up to run his fingers through the hair at the back of his neck, Julian gives him a peck on the lips. “My full attention. Right after it’s finished, I promise.”

He settles back in at this, but Julian can feel him thinking. He's just about to hit the play button when Noel perks up again, blue eyes bright, “Ju, popcorn. Get us some popcorn, yeah?” 

Julian sighs.

He is spread across the couch wrapped in a blanket up to his chin when Julian comes back with the bowl. Julian playfully moves the bowl away as he reaches out to grab a handful of popcorn when he walks by. Leaning forward, the blanket slips, revealing just a glimpse of naked shoulder before he pulls it back over himself quickly. 

Julian stops, dumbfounded. “Are you….?” He trails off, assessing Noel’s form stretched out before him. Julian thinks there's no way Noel has been able to quietly remove all his clothing in the two minutes and forty-five seconds he's been at the microwave. It takes him at least four minutes on a good day just to get his drainpipes peeled off. 

Noel reaches again to pop a kernel in his mouth with a devilish smirk. Tilting his head innocently at Julian as he chews, he says sweetly, “We’ve got all night, yeah? Just getting comfortable.” He waves Julian closer so that he can grab more popcorn. More of the blanket falls as he reaches his arm out, revealing a wide swath of pale chest.

Yes. He is definitely naked, Julian concludes.

Julian watches as goosebumps rise along Noel’s arms. He studies the stubble dotting the strong line of his partner’s jaw as he nibbles on the popcorn. He’s lost this fight already, he thinks, but he proceeds as if this isn't going to end up where it's going. “You're mental. Are you cold?” He leans forward to trace along the goosebumps. 

Noel smiles up at him. “Wanna warm me up?” He pulls the end of the blanket up to offer Julian a place underneath.

Julian rolls his eyes, but lets Noel pull him forward by his belt buckle. 

After being expertly stripped to his pants he slips under the blanket, draping himself over the smaller man and finding his lips for slow lazy kisses. Julian pauses every once in a while to pick pieces of popcorn out of the bowl on the floor to pop into Noel’s mouth. They munch and kiss, wrapped up together exactly as Noel had wanted. 

As they finish up the popcorn though Julian’s attention gradually drifts from Noel back to the movie playing on the screen.

“You’re crushing me, big man.” Noel groans and pushes on Julian’s chest so that he absently moves and lies back on the other end of the couch. Noel crawls to lie between his legs, propping his head on the other man’s stomach. 

He sighs, wiggling against Julian, moving his leg on top of the other man’s to slide them together. Julian is fully engrossed now, eyes trained on the screen, not paying one bit of attention as Noel trails a finger along his belly. 

Noel tries to watch the movie, but as predicted it’s heavy and depressing and he would much rather busy himself with Julian in other ways. He rolls a little to nuzzle along Julian’s skin, kissing just softly along the trail of hair leading into his pants. 

Julian clears his throat, but keeps watching intently. Noel pokes his tongue out to lick down to his waistband, watching Julian as he goes. Julian squints at the screen. Noel works his way back up, letting a hand slide up to tease along his nipple, tracing and rolling the hardening bud while he kisses back down to tease along his pants. Julian’s eyes are glassy now. Noel grins as he watches the outline of his cock grow against his pants. 

He slides down to mouth at it through the material and Julian hisses, all attention on Noel now. He smiles wickedly as Julian reaches to pull himself out of his pants. Julian moves the tip to his mouth, and Noel doesn’t hesitate to open and let him slide it between his lips as he peers up at him through his lashes. 

Noel sucks at the head and then slowly glides the length along his tongue with delicious pressure. Julian curses and softly moves Noel’s fringe off his forehead, sliding his hand through Noel’s hair at the crown of his head, just grasping it gently as the younger man’s head bobs around him, sending pleasure up his spine.

Noel licks and sucks vigorously, moaning a little when Julian squeezes at his hair and moves his hips to follow him as he trails his tongue along his cock.

It’s been a while since they’ve been able to fool around and movies can be watched anytime, Noel reasons. Instead, he wants Julian to make love to him slowly all night. He thinks it’s all heading the right way until he glances to catch Julian’s eye. 

Noel prides himself on being able to render Julian useless with his mouth. In fact, he's really good at it. He has actually made stoic, quiet Julian _whine_ with pleasure. He's not one to brag, but if he had a sexual prowess CV this would surely top the key achievements section. Noel knows Julian likes the show he can put on, moving his hips and rubbing himself, moaning as he slides his mouth around his cock just as much. 

But when he looks up, Noel realizes with a horrifying jolt that Julian is not looking at him right now at all, but staring at the TV screen. _He’s watching the movie instead._

If Noel's mouth wasn’t full he would gasp in absolute shock. Instead, he makes a sort of harrumph of annoyance and licks along Julian's slit to bring him back. 

He hesitates when he gets nothing from that, the heat of his own arousal fading into white hot indignity. Julian distractedly moves his hand in his hair again, a gentle tug to say, why’d you stop? His eyes are still trained on the figures on the screen. 

Noel huffs loudly and pulls off of him. Julian wiggles his hips and finally tears his eyes away from the screen to gasp, “Noel, what…” 

Noel wipes at his wet mouth, “Oh, sorry Ju, just seemed like I was interrupting!” His voice travels several octaves, anger more evident the higher it climbs. Julian could plot Noel’s outrage at any given strop on a scale and he’s quickly found himself almost immediately in the red. 

Julian exhales and realizes his grave mistake. 

“Sorry, I just got…” Noel’s eyes widen as Julian begins and Julian shifts course before he can say, “I got distracted.” because that, it seems, is not the correct answer. (Even if maybe there’s a kernel of truth to it.) He was enjoying it nonetheless and would very much like Noel to continue or at least not huff out of his house back to his own flat in nothing but his pants. 

Noel is pouting though, still holding lightly to the base of his cock. Julian is desperately trying to avoid squirming and encouraging him to just do anything with it, _please_. Noel’s face is red, disgraced and offended. 

This is a delicate situation, like defusing a bomb. Julian has to tread lightly to avoid his blowie being replaced instead by a full Fielding blow up. The tension from his movie on the telly has now migrated into his living room and he’s starring in his own drama/action movie. 

He traces along Noel’s jaw and takes a chance, softly murmurs, “Just trying to last a little longer. I know how much you enjoy it.” 

This is not the correct answer either, apparently. Noel hesitates in disbelief for a moment and then drops Julian’s cock pointedly and rolls his eyes. “Oh okay Julian, that’s what you were doin’.” Noel’s tone is at peak fussy and Julian knows he’s losing control quickly. His dick is screaming. The bomb is ticking. 

Noel spits out “I’m sure I could find a willing participant elsewhere if you’re too busy watching arthouse misery theatre.” He goes to move, reaching for the blanket but Julian tugs at him gently to pull him against his chest. His tiny body stiffens against him, determined to be stroppy. 

Julian holds him there just for a moment, willing him to calm, letting the seconds tick by before he makes any sudden movements. He has an idea. He feels Noel steadily relax against him when he reaches between them to softly run his hand down his body and trace him through his pants. Feeling his cock respond Julian knows there’s still a chance to salvage this.

“You’re right, you deserve all the attention right now.” He murmurs, sliding Noel’s pants down his thighs. “Just look at you.” 

He continues, taking his cock in his hand and smiling as Noel grins demurely, all the outrage fading from his face as he leans in for a kiss. Julian knows that he can’t resist the allure of a well placed compliment while his cock is being touched. Noel’s moan when they begin to rock against each other lets Julian know he’s been let off the hook. 

*

Julian hits play as he gently pets the exhausted man lying on his chest, tracing a hand down the smooth curve of his back and up to run his fingers through his messy silky hair. Sated and dozing with his mouth slightly parted, he breathes softly against Julian’s skin as the music score softly plays around them. 

Julian smiles. He knows Noel will nap for a while before he wakes for round two. He might even have time to rewind some of the parts he missed. 

He’s not sure why he didn’t just go with this as plan A to begin with. Julian should know by now Noel always comes first before anything productive ever gets done.

**Author's Note:**

> End notes: Julian ended up being a bit more laddy in this than I would normally picture him, but it’s crack, so it’s all in good fun. I’m sure he’s actually a very warm, attentive partner. ;-) 
> 
> Big thank you to [Terrantalen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terrantalen/profile) & [Kateyboosh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kateyboosh/profile), my Trash Triplet girls for being endlessly amazing and talented partners in crime and encouraging me to participate in my first crackathon. 
> 
> Feedback is awesome! Thanks for reading.


End file.
